BPDRecovery.com: Forums

My 19 year old granddaughter has been diagnosed as bipolar and BPD. I've done a lot of reading about BPD and want so much to provide her with support but frequently my words and/or actions set off her rage. Several times I have suggested a forum like this but have received no feedback that she has tried this resource.

What I am looking for is some replies from BPD's I can share with her encouraging her to try communicating online. I love her so very much and will appreciate any responses.

I think it's very sweet of you to be trying to do this for your granddaughter. Sad truth is.....she will not be able to 'hear' any help unless and until she is ready in her own mind. It might even be better coming from strangers than from you, because you are emotionally involved and the two of you have 'history' as any grandparent/grandchild relationship does. The best thing I know of that you can personally do is to create and enforce healthy boundaries. The 'separation of stuff' tool on the left can help you if you need it with that. A big part of BPD, for me anyway, is not having a stable sense of self. I didn't know where my boundaries were much less about other people's. My husband was instrumental in helping me understand that sort of thing; maybe you can be 'that person' for her.

That said.....you can copy or download the Tools section off to your left (at least, I think that's okay). You could show her some of the ways we overcome the emotional velocity of BPD around here. It's a beginning.....just know that even if she reacts poorly when you initially give them to her, she might go back and read over them when she's alone. It might help. At the very least it shows her you are trying, which counts for quite a lot.

For me personally, I couldn't have come as far in the recovery process without this board. Having other people who understood what I was going through and had maybe even made it out on the other side was incredibly helpful to me-- still is. Using the tools espoused here in my everyday life, reading over all the material on the home page and just talking out this stuff (where people would actually tell me if my rational was not okay)....well, I just can't be more grateful to this site and the people on it.

I really wish you all the best in your quest to help her. Again, it does have to come from her in my experience for recovery to really work.....but knowing she has you on her side can't hurt. If you need anything else or have an specific questions, I'm sure me along with others on the board will be more than happy to try to help.

Best wishes,
Harmonium

Thanks for responding. I pretty much knew what your reply would be. Until she is ready my attempt to provide her with another tool will be rejected.

create and enforce healthy boundaries: such a hard thing to do and so very necessary.

True, true......but just because it might be 'rejected' on the outside doesn't mean some of it might strike a chord with her on a more internal level. Meaning that even if the outward reaction is negative, she might gain something from your attempts anyway. It's always nice to know you are cared about, especially for those of us with BPD that might not believe we are 'worthy' of such affection. All you risk in trying is your own emotions (I do not discount the size of that risk, mind you!). If you can keep your own self emotionally stable, she might just see you as a person she can trust, who knows? I sure wish there had been someone like you there for me when I was beginning this journey. My husband was there and helped me with the boundary part, but he didn't try to learn anything about the disorder-- he didn't take it as far as you seem to be. I applaud you for that and I do believe in the long run, you will be glad you have done all of this for her (and so will she). I hope, I hope......


I totally agree. I've found consistency with enforcement to be the key for me!

Remember, she is welcome here anytime. We will try to push her in the recovery direction, however......only she knows if she is 'ready' for that. We try very hard to not just allow people who come here to remain deep in their dysfunction; we try to show that there is a more effective way of dealing with all of this. Healthy, happy living is the goal but I believe the exact road to that is a bit different for everyone.

Good luck, Gmzona. I really do wish you all the best. I think what you are trying to do is very kind and I hope for you and for her that she will 'see' the help you are trying to provide!