BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Haven't been diagnosed with bpd and thinking I probably don't actually fit the full criteria, but at the same time am wondering if I'm a little bpd-esque. Guess I'm thinking I could probably use the tools and support in any case.
Here's something that just happened that makes me think I'm leaning toward bpd. I made a green salsa and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He made a face and said the balance of flavors was wrong. Well....you'd think that wouldn't be such a big deal, right? Wrong! I felt like leaving my almost two year relationship, the longest I've ever had right then and there. Wanted to say "if you don't like my green salsa I'm going to just leave and be by myself." I was furious! Thing is that this is the best relationship I've ever had, with someone who really loves me and who I really love. If I left I know I'd regret it big time. If I left I know I'd cause him, and myself, a lot of pain. Not worth it. So I restrained myself. Asked him if he was ok being with someone who can't make salsas. He laughed, kissed me, said of course. But I really, really wanted to this self-destructive thing. Does this sound like BPD?

From my humble unprofessional view- this doesn't sound too bad. The type of thoughts I have in reaction to similar situations include many more hours of negative thinking w/o me necessarily being mindful that is what is going on. In other words, it's normal to some rejection going on, very normal, but how to be normal in reaction versus the way a bpd might totally avert and mindlessly sabotage a relationship is why a bpd needs to practice these tools almost like religion anti it becomes automatic

For what it's worth, it sounds like the day I'm having right now. "If I can't get this stupid table to display properly, I have no business graduating college or thinking I have any business running a website - I'm just that frickin' stupid." Yeah, it definitely sounds like a case of "all or nothing thinking" and I can completely relate to it right about now.

I guess I have no frame of reference because I've always had BPD-type thoughts. The difference is I've learned to cope with them now (i.e. calm myself down, find a healthier way to cope with my feelings, now lash out at my partner). I don't know whether "normal" people have these kinds of thoughts or not!

But either way, if you're here to work on your issues, you're welcome. In that sense it doesn't matter whether you have BPD or not.

Lirael

Thanks for the replies learningmore, Ash, lirael. You never know when you cast something out there into cyberspace if anybodies really listening or not, so it feels good to get a response.
I've been thinking a little bit more about my green salsa freak out, and it's starting to make sense to me why I got so worked up. The more fragile I am inside the more it seems like I need my partners love to be perfect. Loving someone and letting them love me back is pretty darn terrifying actually when you get right down to it, and it just doesn't feel safe to do it without someone who really, really knows what they are doing. I mean, you wouldn't jump out of an airplane for the first time holding onto somebody who had no idea how to work the parachute, right? You'd want to be hooked up with an expert.

That should read "not lash out at my partner"!

Welcome again.