Dear Broken
First of all, welcome here

Thanks for sharing your story and bits of your life with us.
I'm sorry to hear about your past, which sounded like a rather unhappy one.
I would like to introduce this to you, the existential paradox by Dr. Joseph Santoro, as a start:
"We are not responsible for how we came to be who are as adults,
but as adults we are responsible for whom we have become, and for everything we do or say"
You have been 'haunted' by the ghosts of your past for long enough, long enough that it has affected you, your behaviour, your thoughts, thought life, emotions and basically affected you as a person.
It's now time to decide that you no longer want the ghosts and the shadows from your past to influence and affect you, your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviour, your actions.
Making that decision is a good start, and recovery then begins from this point.
Hope your session will turn out well. Do update us on what happened ya
