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Hi my name is Amy and after the last few months I feel my bpd is out of control. I get so mad at my boyfriend I tell him mean things so he will leave. Then when he says he will go I don't want him to go. I can't get a handle on my anger. do any of you have anything to help.

Hello Amy, welcome to BPDR!

Its really hard (for me) to give advice...
(and who wants advice? its only good for passing on...)

Anyhow, if I had to guess, there are probably many factors weighing into your anger issue. I really don't know anything about your present situation/past, and even if I did, I'm no psychologist.

Have you spoken to your therapist about it?

You might have to do some soul-searching on this one; why are you angry at your boyfriend? Is there some need or expectation you have that's not being met? Are you feeling insecure for some reason? Is something he is doing or some situation triggering it?

Identify the problem, then ask yourself truly, what are the benefits of handling it the way you are? (i.e. it lets you avoid confronting the deeper issue head-on) What are the downsides of handling it that way (i.e. it increases conflict, endangers your relationship)

Having this information might help you to recognize what you can do differently with your thoughts/behaviors when the triggers happen.

Just my 2 cents.

-BeWild

Hi Amy, welcome to BPD too

Perhaps, just perhaps, you could try restraining yourself, meaning not reacting, not saying anything at all when you're feeling the heat of your anger. Just don't open your mouth, take deep breaths, then only say things once you've calmed down and thought through it.

It's difficult, but with some practice it's possible.

The problem with us is that we tend to react IMMEDIATELY, without thinking, and we tend to react out of our overwhelming emotions.