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i've been in an intense love relationship for the past 2 years. although we love each other very much, the past 2 years (for me) was an emotional rollercoaster ride. I've only recently realised that my partner has BPD, which totally clarifies my roller coaster experience...
no-one else in my partner's family /friends know about this condition; and I'm not sure if it is the right thing that I confront my partner with my insights, as I'm afraid it could make him feel threatened.

is it advisable to contact my partner's therapist in order to get sound advice as to how I can support and understand my partner better? or would it infringe on their trust.

Hi Colleen,
Was your partner diagnosed w/BPD or do you assume he is? What is he seeing a T for? I don't think the T would even be willing to discuss anything with you and should not do so unless your partner gives permission. Personally, I would not disclose any of this to anyone, especially the family. If your partner is BPD he will have to do the work and if you want to support him, which I think is great btw, maybe look for some support for yourself. Nobody can "fix" us, we are the only ones to make the changes. Maybe get in touch with a T yourself, to see what you can do in your department. If the BPD is not a dx yet (or maybe is just not there) I would appreciate just a general gentle offer of support from my partner if I were him without giving the child a name. That is the T's job. Since he is getting counseling/treatment he obviously has issues so it would be legitimate to let him know that you are willing to support him. I was asked to participate in a couple of my husband's appts. for bipolar D. with his permission. It did help and if I would have the chance to see a T, I would ask to have my husband present at some time just for some issues that need clarification and such.
Just my personal view on this topic, though!
Birgit

I'm with DQ on this. If you H hasn't been diagnosed officially, I would have been completely resistant to a lay person telling me what my "problem" was. (Especially when I was full blown BPD, I would have had an immediate black/white reaction, completely negative denile.)Telling him you are willing to support him and getting some help for the issues it brings up in your own life is the way to go in my opinion.