BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I decided since i'm going to try to do the homework posted in this section, that I should make my own little area to post them all. Here we go with Chapter 2

The exercises are simply posted as a way to provide some of the recovery-oriented work that may be of assistance in your journey toward healthy, happy living.

For now, you are asked to simply identify the behaviors.

* List three times you acted upon black-and-white thinking. How did that work out for you? What do you think you could have done to handle the situation differently? To achieve a more successful outcome?


1. With my friend Trevor. He said the house was messy so I immediately took it that he was a bad person and I hated him. I yelled at him. It was very ineffective and just left me feeling angry and hurt. I could have calmly told him I try to clean the house every day but sometimes I just don't get to it and could use some help.

2. If my husband won't get out of bed, he is instantly bad. I feel like he does it on purpose to hurt me so I hate him and he is bad. I yell and scream and threaten him. It doesn't work very well and leaves me feeling angry and sad. I could be more patient or just let him sleep in.

3. When my husband is late. He is all bad, and the the thing that made him late is bad as well. I'm angry for a long time, hate the things that make him late. It leaves me in a sour mood and unable to receive affection. I could arrive later to get him, or be more easy going with his lateness. It would help me not be so mad.

* Write about someone you placed on a pedestal. What sort of things did you tend to ignore when you elevated them in your mind? What happened when you realized that they were not that idealized person? How did you feel? Do you notice any trends – the basic relationship in which you generally put people on a pedestal, the types of things you initially overlook, etc.?


With people I put on the pedestal, they are the best people around. I usually find it hard to elevate anyone in my mind because the second they mess up they are a horrible terrible person. My husband is the best person around, the most important man in my whole life, until he makes me angry. Immediately he is the lowest, most awful person who wants to hurt me. There arn't many people I ever put on pedestals.

* List three things that scare you in a relationship. Do you have any idea how to overcome those fears? (It’s okay if you don’t just yet. That will come as you make progress in your journey.)


1. Being married and being in a relationship doesn't scare me. I love being with someone. It makes me feel wanted and loved and like I will never have to be alone. The biggest fear I have is that he is going to cheat on me.

2. The second fear I have is that he is going to lie to me. That he is going to do things to hurt me on purpose.

3. The third fear is that he is going to leave me. That i'll be alone.


* Write about someone you split. How were you feeling at the time? How did you feel later, after the heat of the moment subsided?


Splitting confuses me. With my husband I have constantly conflicting emotions. He comes home from work and I kiss him, hug him, and tell him how much I love him. He then tells me about he wasn't able to do something I wanted him to to that day and why. He is instantly the most awful person and he didn't do what I asked as an attempt to hurt me. I felt hurt and closed up. Nothing he said could change my mind that he must have hurt me on purpose. After about an hour or two I calm down and I feel much better. I feel like he is a normal human being, and he begins to rise on my pedestal again. He gets to the top of the pedestal and says one wrong thing and he is instantly at the bottom again.

For now, simply view this chapter’s homework as another set of building blocks and do the best you can.

* Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.

I'm pretty nervous about recovery. I don't know what it is going to be like when i'm all better. I know it's a slow process but it is still scary for me to think about how I may be a different person or wonder how it will be to not be stressed or sad. I'm also happy that I will be better. I'm happy that my family will not have to suffer from my emotional outbursts anymore.

* Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.

I think my life will be much better. I will be happier in my work, my life, and my relationship. I will be able to keep my mind on tasks that need to be done, and I will be able to help my son with the things he needs help with. My husband won't have to worry about me killing myself, and he can be happy knowing that i won't take things as personally anymore.


* Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.

My husband is the main person in my support system. He is always there for me, to listen to my rambling or to hold me when I cry. He doesn't question why I feel like I do. He understands that there is something inside me that is conflicting, and he is there for me. He is always around to help me. I have this site as a support as well. I have met some very nice people on here, one in particular that has spent a good amount of messages helping me understand my life and feelings and the toll they have on others.

* Discuss past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.

I have taken anti-depressants one time in my life, before they thought i was bpd. I hated them. They made me tired and unable to eat. I had headaches and was terribly sick to my stomach. I stopped taking them a week after I had started because coping with the effects of the medication and my depression was just too much for me. It was too hard.

I didn't do any homework today. I have been feeling ill for the past few hours. I can't sleep and i've been lying down since 9:30. I'm so tired but my brain just won't let me fall asleep. Blergh. I'll try to do some homework tomorrow. Right now is just not the time.

On a better note i'm heading to my insurance office tomorrow to hopefully get approved for better insurance so I can see a therapist. I'm scared but I've been told that it is a good thing for me to do.

I'm too tired to post any homework today. My mind hasn't been in the right place lately, and with the work i'm doing on my book writing doesn't seem too appealing right now. Hopefully i'll get some done tomorrow.

Well here I am today; not doing homework quite yet. I had a half breakdown last night. I could not sleep for the life on me until 3 in the morning. I decided that I was going to cut myself to help me go to sleep. I got halfway through the first cut and I stopped, trying to remember why I'm here. The it hit me. I remembered why I was still alive. For my son. So he doesn't grow up asking why mommy is so sad all the time. I went and got him from his bed and let him sleep with me, as a physical reminder of why I shouldn't hurt myself.

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You’re now asked to explore your feelings and thoughts about therapy.
Write about what you’re looking for in a therapist. What would make you feel comfortable? Does their gender matter to you?

Gender doesn't play a big role when it comes to therapy. I would like a male just because I have always gotten along with men better than women. As for making me comfortable, I would just like if they listened and would offer help which is what a therapist is supposed to do anyway. Maybe I would like if they had similar interests.

Write about what you expect to get out of therapy and what you expect from your therapist.

Well I just expect them to do their job really. I just hope I learn to deal with my condition and that I will get better. I want them to be able to deal with me, even though I can be hard to handle at times. I would really hope they were nice to me.

Write about your past experiences with therapy. Did you gain insights, make progress, learn about yourself? How did past therapists handle your volatile personality?

I have never been to therapy.

Discuss the past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.

I have taken an anti-depressant and i did not like it. They made me sick to my stomach and very tired. I would like to go through my recovery without medication.

I haven't been spending much time on the site doing anything because I have been terribly busy. I am slightly depressed, but mostly i'm just very very tired. I am very stressed and nervous about starting college next week. I also might have a part time job to help me with the childcare bills, although i'm still going to stress my head off about them anyway. I hate bills, they always have me on edge about money. It's my number one stressor, and I have never not been able to pay our bills! I'm just so worried we will run out somehow or something will happen. Well that's all for now. I'm going to go to bed.

F this. I hate my life. Everything has to be so difficult. I hate where I live, I hate how money controls my life, and I hate that I don't have any friends. I'm extremely upset.

I know you posted this a while ago. I'm sorry you didn't get a reply. And I'm sorry you are having feelings you would rather not have. Before I say anything, I'll ask... how are you now? How's college compared to how you thought it would be? Money... well, I'm still fighting the fact that money is more important than I would rather i be. So... how are you?

Sorry I have been so incredibly busy that I have not had time to write on the site. So far college is great. I have made a lot of friends. I am head of 3d modeling for the video game we are creating and vice president of our club. I have a 4.0 so far and things are good. I still feel terribly depressed sometimes but school keeps me so busy I don't think about loneliness and sadness as often. I have been able to take control of a lot of my life. I hope I get some time to do some more homework on here.