So I've noticed from the past few days how I tend to forget about my breathing. And how sometimes, just focusing on that, can help me stay in the moment. Sometimes I get so worked up that I forget.
I was at an AA meeting tonight with some of the girls from my home group. We were talking and I started feeling that panic rise up in my gut. I don't know if it's post traumatic stress or what, but what really helped me was just focusing on one speaker at a time. You know, I realize that it's that part of me that thinks that if I'm not the funny one, or the entertaining one, or if I'm not 'fitting in,' then I should freak out. For the first time tonight I was able to step back and breathe and tell myself that I don't have to worry about the future, but just to think about right now.
And during the meeting, I would just watch one speaker at a time. Whoever was talking (it was a discussion meeting, so everyone shared), I would just focus on whoever was talking and try being mindful of them. I would concentrate on their eyebrows, then their glasses, hair, etc..anything to keep me grounded in the present. I notice a lot that a lot of my reactions are grounded in past experiences. Like something will happen and it'll immediately bring up feelings from the past.
It was kinda cool to practice my mindful skills. I just wanted to share that. I have a long way to go, but it's still cool.
