BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I was called in to meet with my supervisor today about an incident that took place 2 weeks ago. I knew about the meeting ahead of time, and was bracing myself for the worst....without expecting the worst....if that makes any sense...

Anyway, it went just fine. I was able to listen without becoming overly defensive and in the end it was a productive meeting. I will still have to face the consequences and may end up losing my job.....but if I take the recommendations seriously and demonstrate an attempt to improve my interpersonal relationships I should be fine.

So, I need to learn how to build trust with my colleagues so that we can begin to move in the direction of working collaboratively on projects in the future. I don't have to make magic overnight....but they'd like to see me start to move in that direction. The problem for me is that I have no idea where to start....how to act....what to do. I really don't know how to build relationships with people and I feel so handicapped because of it.

I've looked through the tool box and I don't know which tool to use for this. So I'm wondering if someone else might know.....

I think I need more info on the problem. are you (like I am) a person who assumes they can do a better or quicker job if they do it alone? or do you do the opposite and think you don't have anything to contribute? Is it that you don't ask for help when you need it, or are these projects that are always worked on in a group setting?

While I have no idea the exact situation going on and I agree with Kari that would help......

I think it's universal that if you did something that you know to be the 'wrong' or inappropriate thing to do....apologize. An apology says that you are accepting your fault and taking responsibility for the situation-- an important factor in building trust. How do they know it won't happen again if you can't own up to it?

Again, I don't know the specifics of your issue......but.... one way to built trust in a situation where you have overstepped is to listen. Really, truly listen-- don't just pay them lip service- and see if some of their ideas can be incorporated into the whole.

Another thing...you are not 'handicapped'. I think it's also universal to get a feeling that you don't quite know what you need to do in the situation to make it better. Use that; everyone feels this way at some point in their lives. Find a way to admit that and not be needy all at the same time and I believe you will earn respect for your handling of the situation. Above all, take responsibility and try to fix the problem. Even if you don't succeed, you will be able to walk away with a clear conscience.

As for tools.....I think the 4 agreements plays right into this. Don't assume anything, don't take any of this personally, be absolutely impeccable with your word and absolutely try your best. Good guidelines for life in general, IMO.

I also think if you have any feelings you are unsure of, or that just don't' seem quite accurate, the untwisting section could help. Also, separation of stuff in that you only need to assume responsibility for your own stuff and leave the rest.

That's my take on your situation as presented. Of course, more specific information can be given to you if you choose you can elaborate. But, the things I've said I believe are rather universal and can help in any situation of conflict. Good luck to you-- it's not an easy situation to be in, but you can do it-- I believe in you!!