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I’ve found that it helps to tell people why I have acted the way I did. When I’ve told people I’m close to it seems to put them at ease and for me it’s like clearing the air from the past. I’m not talking about apologizing for my behavior, just explaining what the deal is and what good has come from it.
Four week ago I started my first medication, Citalopram, and I find it amazing. My mind has been clear from the first 30 minutes of the first day. I can focus and work on things. Prior to starting this, random thought always jumped in my head and I was always scattered. Working on understand and working through emotions has been a big challenge for me but I’m getting there. I know I still have a ways to go but I’m up for what comes next.
Back to the original question, clearing the air of the past feels really important to me. If people don’t want to believe me or turn their backs on me I think I’ll be ok with it. But when I don’t tell them the truth it’s like I am lying to them and them I'm not comfortable around them. I’m only talking about people close it me as I seem to be OK with people I've only known causally. So has this clearing the air helped anyone else?

Hi Anchorage,

I've done a bit of that in the past myself - I'd have to say for my part that it depends and usually it goes down in one of two ways:

1. sometimes I've tried to clear the air in order to change things (usually to make me feel better by making the other person think that I'm less of a no-good waste of space ) and when that change has not happened, then it's felt like a bit of a waste of time.

2. at other times (and the way I try to do it nowadays), I have been very clear that the reason for clearing the air has been so that I can be honest with others about my behaviour and I have accepted that it may not change their view about me at all - in those circumstances I feel a lot better as a result.

So in my experience when I have no expectations from the process other than honesty and openess, so that others can then be free to choose their own response (whether I like it or not), those are the situations where it seems to work well for me.

P.

I have found that it is too risky to tell people about the BPD diagnosis, unless they are "inner circle" friends and family.

Besides, I think the best amends for past misdeeds is to work on yourself and change/grow so that you behave better in the future.

jim

There are, though, other options besides telling people the diagnosis, and telling people about one's mental health issues. Personally, I tend to think that most of the time it's best done (if done) without the label.

Thanks all,

You’ve giving a lot to think about. If I tell anyone else it must be for the right reason, of being honest and without expectations. I think I’ve done that so far. I don’t include the label, as I don’t like labels anyway. In some ways this is a good exercise, trusting someone with this tells me weather I consider them to be a good friend. There is always something to be learned.
But - learning to live well is my goal and were my focus needs to be.