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As I was doing research on various therapies (as a constructive use of my insomnia), I decided to try looking up "inner child" in relation to PTSD (I typed "PTSD inner child" in the search bar) and I came up with this article on Mental Health Matters written by a consumer who has been diagnosed with BPD. I became inspired to learn more as a result of Amanda's claim that she has used this type of therapy effectively in conjunction with other types of therapy.

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=490





I know that the "inner child" stuff has come up at times and I recall coming to the conclusion that I don't have an "inner child" or else, if I do have an "inner child" as someone suggested, I lack awareness of having any such "inner child" that needs my attention so I found this article somewhat amusing.



Rather than using the "inner child" as an excuse for acting in inappropriate ways, the author does indicate that the "inner child" behaviors need to change and that requires making an active choice to make the necessary changes.

The article continues onto a second page.

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article_test.php?artID=490&page=1



On page one of the article, the writer indicates that the concept of the "inner child" has been around for more than 2000 years.



On page two, the author recommends beginning with John Bradshaw's book, "Home Coming: Reclaming an Championing Your Inner Child" and then moving on to Cathryn Taylor's book, "The Inner Child Workbook" for closure.

I am going to put some more thought into this whole "inner child" thing because those who believe in it seem to think everyone has one or more (the author of the article claims that "we have many inner children, one child for each developmental stage. An inner child for infancy, one for toddlerhood, one for middle childhood, and so on."). I don't think the children who live inside of me are "inner children" because they do not resemble the descriptions I have read, though. In fact, I don't think they even have feelings because I have never seen them show any feelings before. They seem to act without feeling and at times they will openly share their thoughts in my head, even when I want them to shut up, LOL. I can see them and "hear" their thoughts but there are no feelings to feel.

Most of what I've read on "inner child" I find not very helpful to me. Not that I've read a lot. The quotes in the article, though, I like.

I have what I've called my little girl part, and I figure that's more or less the same as the "inner child". And the question I have of myself is, do I still have an inner child. If that part of me is integrated now, do I have an inner child still? Or maybe I do sometimes, but not other times, depending on how fully integrated I am at the moment.

I never learned about 'inner child' in therapy. I was told that it was time I started accepting that I was an adult and my responsibily for my actions. I had never been called and adult before (I'm 31 now, I was 30 then) and this was somewhat of an ah-ha moment for me. No one in my life had ever treated me like an adult. I mean, I had been on my own financially and physically for 14 years, but I didn't get the respect of an adult. I wasn't talked to like an adult. I still thought of myself as a 'child'. I was still acting out in ways that I had as a child. So, I grew up, fast. I now no longer feel the shame that plagued me most of my adult life. I don't know if I healed the child within, but I healed the adult I am now. At least, I am still trying to heal the adult I am now. The childish aspects of my behaviour have ceased (mostly). At least I can recognize it now. It was a conscious choice. It was difficult to put into practice because I was so accustomed to reacting to old wounds. I would see the old patterns repeated by new people even though that might not have been what was actually happening. I was perpetuating the old wounds--ah-ha! I had to learn that if I wanted people to treat me differently-to view me differently, I had to act differently. I don't see this as not being true to myself (the child). This is who I have always wanted to be, I just didn't know how to get there. I just had to grow up, trust myself, and leave past hurts behind. To view each new situation with fresh eyes. They are not present hurts as long as I don't allow them to be. My choice. If I had to guess, my inner-child would be happy with this.

I would agree that it's crucial to recovery to allow ourselves to be open to vulnerability but I don't know that I would necessarily put it in the context of an inner child. For the most part, we're not children and even in the face of vulnerability, it's not acceptable to act out as a child (inner or outer!)

I admit a certain leeriness about the inner child concept as I think past experiences with some folks who've considered the inner child a little too realistic for my own comfort zone of what I consider to be healthy have turned me off of the concept a bit.

I have found that as I have worked my therapies and gotten better, the basic personality traits I had as a small child, which got buried under a bunch of crapola, have reemerged. I haven't specifically worked with my "inner child," however. I think that some of who we are is nature and some is nurture, and the nature part can get blotted out if the nurture is bad. As we work on ourselves, give ourselves what we need to be healthy again, our nature can return.

I wrote about this on my blog some time ago: http://jimgrey.wordpress.com/2007/04/15 ... ating-joy/

There are a lot of great replies that give me more to think about!



So these "personality traits" you describe are ways you acted as a child and find yourself reverting to as an adult under times of stress, is that correct? There is no "inner child" involved but rather "childish behavior" that you never grew out of completely. That seems like a more reasonable way of looking at it to me.



I have to admit that this has been true for me as well. When I have seen "inner child" stuff come up, it was used as an excuse for behaving in an inappropriate way, which turned me away from wanting to look at the concept in any depth - it does not appear to be helpful based on observable behaviors. Putting the blame on an "inner child" does not seem to be necessary to work on correcting inappropriate behavior.

The author of this article does not appear to condone acting like an "inner child" but rather relating to this "inner child" internally though art or journaling. That got me thinking that those who use "inner child" work effectively are probably not using the whole "my inner child was acting out" excuse for inappropriate behavior but are instead processing their thoughts and feelings internally.



I can't help but wonder what would be gained by doing "inner child" work as an adult. I think that adults need to be related to as adults and not as children. This idea of an adult part "nurturning" a child part confuses me because when children act out they need correction or they won't learn from their mistakes. From a "behavioral analysis" perspective, positive responses should follow positive behavior and negative responses should follow negative behavior. It makes no sense to respond in positive ways to negative behavior because that just reinforces the negative behavior.



The author of the article does state that an "inner child" is not related to MPD/DID so I think they are probably different than the "aspects" or "spirits" I am working on dealing with in my own mind. I have seen my own "gypsy girl" whipped in stockades at times to keep her from stealing so the idea of "soothing" an "inner child" is a concept I have not been able to grasp as being effective. I suppose it is helpful to know why I was stealing but the fact of the matter is that stealing requires severe punishment in order to get it to stop. Tawny does not even cry or speak when she is whipped, she just stands there with a defiant attitude that indicates a refusal to learn. I have tried to get rid of her but she won't leave so she will suffer instead.

Not quite. As a young boy I was joyous, curious, and gregarious. These are hardly childish behavior; they're good traits that I lost along the way. As I worked my therapies, those traits started to return. I did not focus on any sort of "inner child" to get there, however.

jim

Ah, I had not considered working on reviving those positive qualities children have before they outgrow them, LOL! My doctor (GP) is the one who used to tell me about the importance of being "childlike" in those ways. I sometimes forget how important it is to have "fun" outside of entertaining my own children. Even the "fun" I have at camp each summer is in the context of work and I am doing it for my daughter rather than for myself. I tend to be a bit serious and my doctor thought I should allow myself to be more "playful" as a means of helping my depression.

I am a speed-reader so I must have glanced over this part of the article without it really sinking in (probably because it was a quote in bold):



It sounds like getting "in touch" with an "inner child" allows someone to get in touch with repressed feelings from childhood. Feelings are biological, though, so they will be there in other situations without needing to go back and find where a person left them in childhood.

Adults are more capable of controlling their feelings and that is a good thing. People who are unable to control their feelings act out in destructive ways because their feelings flood their rational thoughts and that is what can make feelings dangerous - those people care more about how they are feeling than how others might feel having to deal with the expression of those overwhelming feelings. Having strong feelings also makes people more vulnerable because they can be hurt in a more lasting way - our brains don't "hold onto" physical pain the way it holds onto painful emotions for some reason (losing someone close to us hurts far longer than the physical sensation of losing a limb, for example), which is why SI tends to be such an effective and yet maladaptive method for coping with painful feelings.

Are the good feelings "lost" because they are so overwhelmed by the bad feelings or do we lose the ability to feel everything when we choose to stop feeling hurt? How are feelings "lost along the way" - I don't quite understand that expression?

Back to doing more research! LOL I am having trouble finding valid sites, though, because it seems the only information I am coming up with are articles written by people who have done the therapy who cite authors who have written books about it. I haven't found anything by a reputable source that recommends using "inner child" therapy for treating PTSD.

http://www.hope4survivors.com/InnerChildMain.html



This site has linked pages that describe in detail how to "connect" with an "inner child" but it is written by a survivor and not a trained professional. The writer suggests using journaling between a person's dominant and non-dominant hand (I happen to be ambidextrous, LOL) to aid in regression but I thought that regression was a coping mechanism that therapists teach their clients to replace with more effective coping strategies. It also seems a lot like the "automatic writing" I have done in the past as a means of channeling so I wonder if people are actually contacting child spirits and not their own "inner child" when they do these exercises.

I will do some more research later when I have more time. I should check out my bookshelf because I may have books by the listed authors that I purchased and haven't read yet. I am interested to know other people's thoughts on this topic.

In the poll only 3 people claim to have an "inner child" so I don't think I believe the author's claims that everyone has one or that it is particularly helpful for those with BPD to do "inner child" work. Communication with an "inner child" seems to be something that is done independently without a therapist anyway so it would not be part of therapeutic treatment plan.

I checked my bookshelf and discovered that I had picked up Taylor's book awhile back from a second hand store. After glancing through it, I am going to sell it (once my computer is up and running so I can get back to work again) because it does not look like something I would find helpful. Apparently the author developed the "inner child" therapy to deal with the death of her father as an adult and had no history of childhood trauma so I am not sure how it even relates to treating PTSD. It seems to be designated self-help "pop psychology" rather than being viewed by professionals as a legitimate form of therapy.

I think I have learned as much as I need to know about this topic. If anyone wants to post something of interest here that is fine but I am going to move away from this thread now and focus my attention on something more productive.

Seems to me that, well, basically, "inner child" is a label for an idea. I think, from what I know of the concept, that it points to something real that we all have BUT, that not everyone is going to find the idea helpful, or even have it make sense to call that part an "inner child".

Myself, I voted the first option, that I have one and am in touch with it/her. Still, basically, the inner child idea I've pretty much only used in conversing (including listening) with others who find the idea useful. Like, I haven't thus far found the idea useful to me as far as individually working on myself, but it can be helpful as far as speaking the same language as someone else when talking mental health ideas.

My personal theory is that the past does hold a key to understanding our present. A lot of the feelings and beliefs I have today are tied to my experiences from my past. To get control over my current responses, it can be helpful for me to find and understand where they come from. The way I was treated as I grew up shaped the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that I carry with me today. To change those that are not healthy for me, the ones that get in the way of a healthy, balanced life, it can be useful to understand where they come from and how I can approach them differently.

"Inner child"? It may just be a phrase that describes a means to that end. I read links and articles, and some of it makes sense to me and some of it doesn't. It's not a significant portion of my treatment (specifically).

I have asked my T about "inner child" and he says he doesn't believe in re-hashing the past over and over again. He likes to focus on the present and how I can deal with life right now.

My first T introduced me to the concept of the "inner child." But she called it my "little girl." I did not like this concept. I told her I hated my "little girl" and didn't want anything to do with her. She (my T) told me about soothing my little girl, etc. etc. I would have none of it.

I was a friendly, outgoing little kid and when I was about 4-6 years old I believe I developed fears and anxiety. I was never abused by anyone. But I do believe I had situations of invalidation, that have gone on into my adult life. When I was 12 years old I developed severe anxiety and dissociative attacks. That was the beginning of the end for me.

My main problem (imo) is that people close to me invalidate me and do not allow me to be my "true self." I think I am learning what my true self is, but not by doing inner child work. As much as I fear being alone, I wonder if I were alone I would be able to flourish more and be myself more. I would not be cricitized by people close to me.

When I think about inner child work, I feel panicky. I don't want to delve into my childhood like that. For some reason it freaks me out. I'm glad my T doesn't use that form of therapy.

This has been an interesting thread though. I just don't think inner child work would help me.

I think that doing the research I did on the "inner child" thing helped explain the purpose of the therapy and yet it is not something I can see myself using personally. The more I learned about it, the less I wanted anything to do with it. It appears to be used in combination with art therapy, which is not something I have ever had any interest in either, although it may be helpful for some people. I am one of the 1% who fails an ink blot test so I don't think my mind relates to that sort of thing very well. My mother has told me how I failed the Draw a Man test in kindergarten because I drew a house instead of a man, LOL. I remember being asked to draw certain things as part of psychological testing in elementary school (following a CPS investigation) and then the child psychologist tried to point out what I was thinking or feeling based on what I had drawn. I don't like to have people making assumptions about my thoughts and feelings instead of asking me directly (I suppose they thought they needed to get past my guard) and it seemed like a sneaky way of getting into my head uninvited. I was also asked to draw as part of some sort of testing to determine my competence to stand trial for a charge of reckless endangerment when I was 18 (I was in a high speed chase from Fort Collins, Colorado to Wheatland, Wyoming) and it ended up getting me locked up in a psycho jail (Wyoming state hospital) instead of being able to go to court and then do my time in a regular jail (where I would have had more human rights). I find it threatening when people use these "back door" methods of psychology rather than being direct with me because it just causes me to lose all trust for people in the mental health profession.

I don't want the past to be a part of my here and now. I just want to make the most of the present and future. If I am mental, then I just need to learn how to be more normal so I can pull it off for the most part. I don't believe I need to "go back" in order to "move forward" in my life.

I don't even know what inner child therapy is. I understand (reasonably well I think but not perfectly) the inner child concept. But I've no knowledge of particular therapy forms that use this idea. But I really haven't been interested in that.

I think I could have accepted the whole "inner child" thing better if it were not for the suggestions about how to "get in touch" with an "inner child" since the therapy seems to resemble methods of channeling spirits. From what I have read it involves (automatic?) writing in a journal using the non-dominant hand to express the "inner child" feelings and then using the dominant hand to reply in an "adult" manner. This one author suggested using a crayon and trying to think like a child by using regression techniques and even self-hypnosis (I think most people can enter a trance state easily enough). She also suggested drawing pictures to go along with the words. Once a person has managed to "get in touch" with an "inner child" they can then have dialogues in their head and visualize two separate people communicating with each other, and even imagining physical contact with each other. Based on what I know about mental illness, this would lead to fragmentation and that is not a good thing.

I did not see anything at all about acting out "inner child" feelings but I have seen people attribute their maladaptive behaviors to an "inner child" before so I think the concept is frequently misused by people who lack the ability to take responsibility for their own behavior. If used correctly, the person should be taking on the adult role and "nurturing" the "inner child" on their own rather than using the "inner child" as an excuse for poor behavior. It is hard to say if it is the therapist who distorts the therapy in order to keep someone in therapy longer or if it is the client who misuses the therapy in order to remain dependent on the therapist but it seems that people who use this form of therapy end up in therapy for many years so I don't know if there is ever the "integration" that would demonstrate a successful outcome. Fortunately everything I read indicates that the "inner child" is not an "alter personality" and it has nothing to do with MPD/DID because that worried me at first.

You are the only one who voted this way who has replied and you seem to have a bit of a different view about what an "inner child" is compared to what I have read. I wonder if others who believe they have an "inner child" they are in touch with share the same concepts or if each of them has a different concept of what "inner child" means to them. I also wonder if it was a therapist who suggested they "find" this "inner child" or if they went about it independently.

Maybe our inner child is a personification of all our emotions on a base level?

I've always been confused about "inner child" discussions. I don't believe I have an inner child. However, I do bury emotions and refuse to acknowledge a number of things.

My thoughts on the "inner child" thing have taken me to developmental theory, where people get "stuck" in certain developmental stages and are still trying to resolve those stages of development as adults. I am guessing that people who successfully navigated through those phases of development are not "haunted" by an "inner child" needing to go back and resolve those things they were not able to as children. Those who were not able to use lessons in childhood to mature are still working on those same issues as adults. I think that because I was always "mature" for my age, I may not have the same need to go back to childhood and relive things I was not able to learn back then. That would explain why I don't have an "inner child" and other people seem to have one. I already grew up a long time ago.

Denim: My Ts have told me that part of me didn't grow up, but stayed an infant or very young child. They said something went wrong at the attachment stage and/or separation (from Mom) stage. So, when I react in a "borderline" manner, it's because I'm reacting as an infant or a child, not as an adult. My current T told me to use the adult, or healthy part of me, to talk to the child part of me when that happens. She does not believe in inner child work, but that's what she told me!

I think you are right about it being about developmental stages that are missed, or that someone is stuck in. When something happens, a person can go back to a "childlike" response, which in my opinion, is what the inner child concept means. I'm not totally clear on it either, but I don't think it matters whether you "have" one or not. It seems to bother you, though. Do you want to have an inner child? Maybe you do have childlike parts of you because you had to grow up when you were still a child. They are just hidden. It's not BAD to have childish feelings, to be a child, if you recognize that you (not you in particular) are an adult. I guess I'm wondering why you've come back to this discussion, and thinking it must be important to you. Just my opinions, of course.

I came back to this thread because Terrabus posted in it. Since he was not visiting the board when this topic came up, he posted and the topic came back up again. I suppose I did not need to reply but I did not see any harm in doing so.

I don't think I have a need for an "inner child" because I prefer dealing with reality as an adult and not as a child. I was never very fond of my childhood self so I don't need to go there again. I know that I don't have the same attachment issues that some people have with their therapists so I don't relate to a therapist as a "mother figure" with myself being the child seeking to have needs met. I tend to stay out of those discussions because I don't have much to offer when it comes up. At one time my former therapist said that she had maternal feelings towards me and I told her, "I don't need a mother." She replied, "I think you do" but I still never saw her in a parental role, just as a therapist who was trying to help me cope with mental illness. I'm not even very "attached" to my own mother, especially since I have not even spoken to her for 8 years now. I have not seen my current therapist for several months and at this time I don't have an appointment scheduled with her (I have two more to use this year but I haven't scheduled them yet). I have spoken with my foster mother recently but that is because she writes to me and I prefer to talk to her than write letters in return.

I know that there are certain "fixations" from different developmental stages so that smokers are still in the "oral" phase of development and that is why they need to suck on cigarettes all the time. People who struggled with potty training tend to be "anal" so that they are rigid and lack flexibility. When it comes to attachment disorders, though, people can have insecure attachments and I suppose that is something they need to work through as adults. I don't tend to get attached enough to anything that I can't imagine life without it (except my children but then that has to do with my maternal instincts in addition to my love for my children). I don't think I missed any of the major developmental milestones except that in kindergarten my teacher told my parents that I lacked "social maturity" and she wanted to hold me back. Since that same teacher had a mental breakdown (she told my parents it was because of me), I don't think my parents thought she was very credible. She had been teaching nine years and yet she was at a loss with how to handle me so I can't imagine she was a very skilled teacher if she lost her sanity over a five-year-old. As it was I probably spent more time in the principal's office than I did in the classroom because I was so bored with the kindergarten curriculum.

I don't know how you would "talk to the child part" but if it helps you gain control of your behavior as an adult, then I suppose it is helpful. I never really acted like a child, even when I was a child, so I suppose I am not very "in touch" with those childhood responses. Even when I cried as an infant (my mother told me that I had colic), my father gave me whiskey to shut me up so I learned to drink alcohol starting at an early age. I don't think I ever put much faith into expecting adults to take care of me so I just learned how to do things for myself instead. I am far more detached than I am attached so attachment issues are not something I have needed to talk about. Maybe that is why I don't personally find the "inner child" concept to be helpful in my own healing journey.