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I am still feeling weird. I wrote about my appointment yesterday with my T.

I am still anxious and feeling strange. I'm sure it's all "emotional." However, I am trying to just sit with it and not over-react or get alarmed. Trying to Radically Accept what is happening and just be with it. I have been doing breathing exercises, to try to calm my body down.

I plan on getting back on my elliptical machine today. I'm hoping that it will help expel some of my anxious energy.

I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen but I don't know what. Not anything bad, just something. But I know nothing is going to happen - it's just a feeling I have. Again, I have to recognize that it's just a feeling and not a fact.

When I get anxious, it almost feels as if my body will explode. Again, that's just a feeling. Of course I'm not going to blow up (lol).

I used to get so scared of these feelings. I'm trying not to be scared. The problem now is that I'm having real physical feelings - nausea mostly. My T said the nausea is a reaction to the anxiety/depression. I never used to have these physical symptoms before. I'm not used to it. Luckily I have anti-nausea pills that the doctor gave me. I have to be prudent with them because I don't have too many.

After today, my H is going to be off from work until after New Year's. So maybe we'll go out on some of those days. That might help - being out and active is a good distraction. I might still feel bad but I wouldn't be home thinking about it.

Oh well, I just have to plod along.

This might sound odd, but could there be something else that you don't want to feel, or something in your life that needs attention but you're not looking at? Maybe when you're sitting with the anxiety and working on Radical Acceptance, it might help to ask gently if there's anything else trying to get your attention there.

Thanks Stoneglow. I have thought about that and can't come up with anything in particular. I think it's this time of year - I freak out in the winter. I hate the snow and the dark and I stress out greatly about driving to my T appointments - I'm worried it will snow and I need to figure out how to get there. Despite my feelings, my life is really good. Nothing major is going on.

I was feeling a bit better today but now the bad feelings are back. I just feel so bad - I don't feel like myself. It's like I'm me, but I'm not me. Things don't seem real. Again, I'm waiting until Tuesday when I can see my T. I was thinking earlier that I will always feel this way, but I know that's not true. I will feel better one day. It's just that when I'm going through it, it seems like it will never stop. I just have to wait it out.

Also, people talking to me here helps. Thank you!

I used to panic in winter too. I was afraid to drive in the snow. I actually learned to just do it, in the snow. I think because it once took 4 hours to get my daughter home from school; it should have taken an hour. That was years ago. I had no choice. I couldn't turn off the road, and it was snowing heavily. I just plodded along very slowly. After that I wasn't so afraid anymore.

I am more afraid of others driving, winter OR summer. I think it's because of the feeling of not being in control. Do you feel that way about driving in winter? Did you ever drive in the snow when you lived in other cities? Did you ever have a bad experience or accident in winter? I was thinking that if I, scared as I am, could learn not to be so scared, there must be a way that you could too. Or, would you rather not learn to drive in winter? What about rainy weather? To me, that's sometimes worse than snow because I can't get my windows clear enough.

I'm also thinking about my fear of flying. I still don't like it, and would rather not go in airplanes, but I don't panic and think about crashing during the whole flight like I used to. That happened because I flew so often despite my fear. I wanted to be able to travel, so I wanted to overcome my fears. I didn't want to feel trapped.

If you could feel more comfortable driving in the snow, maybe you wouldn't feel so trapped and depressed in winter. Maybe that's a small part of it, or maybe I'm way off base here.

You're right Wondering. If I could drive in snow I wouldn't feel so shut in. I never had a bad experience driving in snow. But you see, I lived in the South for 20 years. I learned how to drive in Florida. I never had to drive in snow until I came here. I'm not afraid to drive in rain. It's just snow and ice that freaks me out. I'm scared of skidding and getting in an accident.

I'm not afraid of flying or anything like that. It's just the snow. As soon as my H retires we're going to move someplace where it never snows.

It's not just the snow that is making me feel depressed. It's the winter in general - the lack of light. That's why my T wants me to get the light box. I have Dysthymia - a constant low-grade depression. I have it all the time, no matter what season it is. But it gets worse in winter. I've been this way my whole life.

I'm just going to have to accept how I'm feeling right now. And hope it goes away soon.

Thanks!!!!

I used to be really nervous about driving after a snow. Around here, snow means lots of ice on the roads. We get more ice storms than actual snow.

What I did was have my Dad (I was younger then, you could ask your H) take me to an empty parking lot after it snowed. I was able to do donuts and practice skidding and sliding--all while safe because there were no other cars around and it was flat. Once I got the feel for it...I dunno, I'm just not worried about it anymore. I know I can do it. Plus, it made it fun.

I do agree with Wondering about the other drivers...you just never know and have to be careful for other people's mistakes too.

I know that's not your whole problem, BG, but it is an aspect of your issues that you can regain control over, IMO. It's something you can choose to learn, if you wish. Every little part helps make up the whole.

Thanks H. I will think about that!