BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Mine was: "Always do your best." (Funny how we're both aligned with The Four Agreements, eh?)

It took me a while to figure out that it didn't mean "always be perfect." Once I was able to see that they were different things, I stopped beating myself up and let go of the bulk of my anger. It made life a LOT more tolerable - for myself and those around me.

It sounds kinda black-and-white, but "pain is resistance to change" helps me.

One of life's biggest challenges in all things (emotional, physical, whatever) seems to be a problem of congestion of sorts. Too little flow in the bank account and I'm broke and can't do what I want. Too little--or too much--flow of emotions and I'm stuck inside my head. Too little blood flow to my muscles, and they cramp and hurt. When something hurts--emotionally, rationally or physically, this phrase reminds me that something I am doing must not be working, so I have to adapt and flow.

Part of my issues are always wanting things to always be like they were or somehow not accepting reality (and not taking responsibility for such). My anger, sadness--whatever was usually fighting off something that wasn't really a problem if only I could shift perspective or adjust my expectations. When I finally got it in my head that change could actually present positive opportunities and learned to 'flow like the river' (another fav of mine).....I learned what I was really capable of. I quit living in that victim cycle and began to know that I had the power of choice. I get to explore various sides of my personality and embrace it rather than shun it. Sure, there are times when I don't move my ground, but with this phrase in mind I'm more sure it's because of rational, real, verifiable reasons rather than fear, anger or self-loathing. I have to think it through, to know myself and my true feelings on issues. I get to embrace who I really am, and that can be a very good feeling.

Great thread, I'm interested in what everyone has to say!

Early on, like about 15 years ago, my T told me to stop comparing my insides to other people's outsides. That sunk in my brain and helped.

About 10 years ago, in Asia, I had a very interesting conversation with a Buddhist nun who explained her concept of time to me. She explained, very patiently, how yesterday does not exist, nor does tomorrow. After a while, she got kind of exasperated and told me I think too much. I miss her.

Be here now.

From my first therapist, a practicing Tibetan Buddhist:

true happiness is making other people happy.

For me it has been to always speak your truth.

My T didn't directly give me this advice, but she modeled it in her own appearance and behavior. I learned that it's okay to be myself, even if that means being different from others. I don't have to be like everyone else.

It's not exactly the best piece of advice I've ever been given, but this has been so helpful to me in my choices of friends/partners. My T used to say it all the time:

"Birds of a feather flock together".

treat yourself AT LEAST as well as you would treat others.

My T told me right as I was leaving therapy, "I never thought you were as sick as you thought you were." Some people could find that invalidating, but I found it hopefull.