Your Style Under Stress

Ash · **Posted:** Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:09 pm

I ran across this in a book I'm reading for work. I thought I'd share. (And because if I didn't type it all out, I probably wouldn't take/do the quiz.)

Crucial Conversation Tools for Talking When Stakes are High wrote:

The following questions explore how you typically respond when you're in the middle of a cruial conversation. Before answering, pick a specific relationship at work or at home. Then answer the items while thinking about how you typically approach risky conversations in that relationship.

1. At times I avoid situations that might bring me into contact with people I'm having problems with. T or F

2. I have put off returning phone calls or emails because I simply didn't want to deal with the person who sent them. T or F

3. Sometimes when people bring up a touchy or awkward issue, I try to change the subject. T or F

4. When it comes to dealing with awkward or stressful subjects, sometimes I hold back rather than give my full and candid opinion. T or F

5. Rather than tell people exactly what I think, sometimes I rely on jokes, sarcasm or snide remarks to let them know I'm frustrated. T or F

6. When I've got something tough to bring up, sometimes I offer weak or insincere compliments to soften the blow. T or F

7. In order to get my point across, I sometimes exaggerate my side of the argument. T or F

8. If I seem to be losing control of a conversation, I might cut people off or change the subject in order to bring it back to where I think it should be. T or F

9. When others make points that seem stupid to me, I sometimes let them know it without holding back at all. T or F

10. When I'm stunned by a comment, sometimes I say things that others might take as foreful or attacking - comments such as "Give me a break!" or "That's ridiculous!" T or F

11. Sometimes when things get heated, I move from arguing against others' points to saying things that might hurt them personally. T or F

12. If I get into a heated discussion, I've been known to be tough on the other person. In fact, the person might feel a bit insulted or hurt. T or F

13. When I'm discussing an important topic with others, sometimes I move from trying to make my point to trying to win the battle. T or F

14. In the middle of a tough conversation, I often get so caught up in arguments that I don't see how I'm coming across to them. T or F

15. When talking gets tough and I do something hurtful, I'm quick to apologize for mistakes. T or F

16. When I think about a conversation that took a bad turn, I tend to focus first on what I did that was wrong rather than focus on others' mistakes. T or F

17. When I've got something to say that others might want not wamt to hear, I avoid starting out with tough conclusions and instead start with facts that help them understand where I'm coming from. T or F

18. I can tell very quickly when others are holding back or feeling defensive in a conversation. T or F

19. Sometimes I decide that it's better not to give harsh feedback because I know that it's bound to cause real problems. T or F

20. When conversations aren't working, I step back from the fray, think about what's happening and take steps to make it better. T or F

21. When others get defensive because they misunderstand me, I quickly get us back on track by clarifying what I do and don't mean. T or F

22. There are some people I'm rough on because, to be honest, they need or deserve what I give them. T or F

23. Sometimes I make absolute statements like "The fact is ..." or "It's obvious that ..." to be sure I get my point across. T or F

24. If others hesitate to share their views, I sincerely invite them to say what's on their mind, no matter what it is. T or F

25. At times I argue hard for my view - hoping to keep others from bringing up opininos that would be a waste of energy to discuss. T or F

26. Even when things get tense, I adapt quickly to how others are responding to me and try a new strategy. T or F

27. When I find that I'm at cross-purposes with someone, I often keep trying to win my way rather than looking for common ground. T or F

28. When things don't go well, I'm more inclined to see the mistakes others made than notice my own role. T or F

29. After I share strong opinions, I go out of my way to invite others to share their views, particularly opposing ones. T or F

30. When others hesitate to share their views, I do whatever I can to make it safe for them to speak honestly. T or F

31. Sometimes I have to discuss things I thought had been settled because I don't keep track of what was discussed before. T or F

32. I find myself in situations where people get their feelings hurt because they thought they would have more of a say in final decisions than they end up having. T or F

33. I get frustrated sometimes at how long it takes some groups to make decisions because too many people are involved. T or F

Answer Key:
1: T-0, F-1
2: T-0, F-1
3: T-0, F-1
4: T-0, F-1
5: T-0, F-1
6: T-0, F-1
7: T-0, F-1
8: T-0, F-1
9: T-0, F-1
10: T-0, F-1
11: T-0, F-1
12: T-0, F-1
13: T-0, F-1
14: T-0, F-1
15: T-1, F-0
16: T-1, F-0
17: T-1, F-0
18: T-1, F-0
19: T-0, F-1
20: T-1, F-0
21: T-1, F-0
22: T-0, F-1
23: T-0, F-1
24: T-1, F-0
25: T-0, F-1
26: T-1, F-0
27: T-0, F-1
28: T-0, F-1
29: T-1, F-0
30: T-1, F-0
31: T-0, F-1
32: T-0, F-1
33: T-0, F-1

Total up your score. The higher your score, the better you handle crucial conversations under stress. Lower scores indicate that you have an opportunity to pay more attention to certain areas of improvement. For more information about the specific areas covered in the quiz above, see the book (titled above) by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler.

Ash · **Posted:** Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:26 pm

I used some of the situations that have "gone down" around here in the past - recent and distant - as my frame of reference.

I got my score and according to the book, I need to work on the following areas:

Controlling
Attacking
Learning to Look
Master My Stories
STATE my Path
Move to Action

I knew the Controlling and Attacking piece but I'll have to keep reading the rest of the chapters to make sense out of the other aspects.

By the way, for any questions where you scored a 0, these are the categories in which they fall:

1 - Withdrawing
2 - Withdrawing
3 - Avoiding
4 - Avoiding
5 - Masking
6 - Masking
7 - Controlling
8 - Controlling
9 - Labeling
10 - Labeling
11 - Attacking
12 - Attacking
13 - Start With Heart
14 - Learn To Look
15 - Make It Safe
16 - Master My Stories
17 - STATE My Path
18 - Explore Others' Paths
19 - Start With Heart
20 - Learn To Look
21 - Make It Safe
22 - Master My Stories
23 - STATE My Path
24 - Explore Others' Paths
25 - Start With Heart
26 - Learn To Look
27 - Make It Safe
28 - Master My Stories
29 - STATE My Path
30 - Explore Others' Paths
31 - Move To Action
32 - Move To Action
33 - Move To Action

Nik · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:12 am

Here's a link to the online PDF of the quiz.

Ash · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:48 pm

How awesome are you?! Thanks, Nik.
:bowdown

skiotter · **Posted:** Fri May 01, 2009 8:39 pm

That was interesting, Ash. Can you tell me the name of the book?

BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Your Style Under Stress

Who is online