BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi everyone. This is a new screen name for me. I chose it because Chai tea is one of my favorite things...especially this time of the year. I remember when I first had a Chai latte and someone asked me how it was, the first description that came to mind was "it's like Christmas in a cup!" And from that moment, a Chai latte has been my drink of choice when I want to just feel happy. It cheers me up. The warm liquid, soft foam, and fragrant spices are so comforting to me.

I have been mulling over the idea of "recovery" from BPD for probably about 3 years now but I kept running up against a brick wall - my stubborn resistance to change. I had many good intentions and ideas but they all led to a series of stops and starts on a "recovery journey." Looking back over my prior posts, I was able to identify one "core" problem - that I simply did not like myself or care about myself enough to do something good for myself and that is why I was never able to stick with my "self-improvement projects" - whether it was losing weight, getting sober, or recovery from BPD.

Well, after so many years of beating myself up and feeling hopeless and discouraged, it finally occurred to me that I CAN MAKE MYSELF INTO SOMEONE I DO LIKE AND RESPECT! That opportunity has been given to me. I do not have to go on being this person who I despise. Okay I know that some of you will be like "well DUH - it really took you that long to see that?" But just know this... I am NOT dense. I am not stupid. I am just incredibly stubborn!!!

Anyway, so the other day I pulled out my copy of Ash's book Putting the Pieces Together. I started reading the book probably about 2 years ago but put it away and have not picked it up since. I have many other books on BPD and recovery from BPD which all suffered the same fate - put aside like the Velveteen Rabbit, one day to be picked up again...

This time, I am ready. I am reading the book with an open mind, willing to learn how to better myself and how to create a new "me." I have gotten to the first homework assignment and this time I am going to DO the homework. I want to learn. I want to find myself. This is a new journey, a new me. Starting with removing negativity from my life, and focusing on the positive and good in my life. Relishing that Chai latte and using that mental image to guide me on my way...

Cheers,
The gal formerly known as NotAMonster

Great for you Chai!

Love the new name (I'm a big fan of the tea too). I've seen several people around here change their screen name and somehow it all starts clicking into place. What a great start.

fwiw, I'm not 'dense' either. Yet it also took me quite a while before I could apply the things everyone kept telling me to me. I don't think it's a reflection on intelligence. But once you see it; it's like a bell that can't be unrung.

Thanks, Harmonium

LOVE the new name!

Hey, Chai, I love the new name too -- I always thought the old one was too focused on the negative and defensiveness, not that *all* of us don't basically start there. The new name reflects something you love (my daughter loves chai tea too!) and hopefully you will come to love yourself as well with this recommitment to recovery.

Thanks Nik and Sari. And yes Sari, that is the idea... to make myself into someone I can love as much as I love my Chai

Me too! Great username and I love your avatar.


You're certainly not stupid. I think that's often the way with lightbulb moments - once the light's switched on, it seems so simple and obvious, but that light switch was nearly impossible to find in the dark. Some of the best realisations I've made in therapy have been in that "Doh!" category.

I'm really pleased for you and proud of you - good work.