BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi, I'm new and I have BPD. I was checking out this site and it looks like it has some useful information. We have DBT here, but the wait list is two years... I've only been in the list for a couple of months. Anyway, after a really big suicide attempt (OD'd and ended up on life support and a coma for 24 hours, heart and lungs stopped -- but, I some how made it through), I figured ('cause I some how lived) that I should find something to help me while I sit and wait for DBT. I'm also looking for a therapist, and found some place that has a sliding fee scale so I don't have to pay that much, 'cause I don't have much money and just living on government assistance. BPD makes it difficult for me to function, and if it weren't for assistance, I'd be on the streets for sure. I have a psychiatrist, but she's more for diagnosing and meds, and hasn't been good for councelling (not really her job, anyway).

Years and years ago, I did some CBT in a psychiatric hospital for a couple of months. Recently, they gave me some basic info in the hospital, but with government cuts the stay was very short (only 4 days in the psych ward, which is common now... not like it used to be where you could be in for a couple of months -- even the psych hospitals, which actually had good programs and were helpful, have all been shut down... beds closed all over, and help is hard to find these days). Now, you're lucky if you get CBT, DBT, or really much help, unless you have cash for private (and none of the private places have DBT, even, unless you want to travel out of province). It's retarded here, actually. Evil government. It used to be more accessible, years ago.

Funny thing is, I actually went to the hospital before my OD wanting to kill myself. They just stuck me in isolation for a couple of hours, and then had two nurses and a doctor come and interrogate me, and then sent me home despite that I told them that I was suicidal and I had a plan. I was called a lier and that I just wanted attention because I'm BPD. I was mad. The one doctor even said, "go ahead." When I said I'll go home and take a bunch of pills if they release me and don't help me. So, I went home, took all of the pills, and waited to die. I guess, some how, I was sorta alive, and texted one of my friends saying that I was sorry and I took a bunch of pills. So, yeah, ambulance and cops came, but they took their time because they recognized my address from the night before and just figured I was just pretending. My friend actually had to fight with the person on 911 to take her seriously.

Why is it that when you have BPD that people don't understand you, and don't take your seriously? As if we are all just liers and just do things to get attention? I hate that. I wish people would understand, but they don't.

In the hospital, however, I saw a doctor there who specialized in BPD and he was helpful, but one visit a day for 4 days, 20min at a time, isn't enough time to really help lots. We just talked. And the nurses just gave me informational pamphlets, a couple talked to me... a couple were awful, although, and I ended up fighting with them because they were mean. Like, I had a headache and they wouldn't give me a Tylenol. Just one Tylenol. I had to sit there, bored all day, with a pounding headache because they were too stuck up to give me a Tylenol -- they just told me to go away, and that I'm "probably" making it up for attention. I wanted to knock her out. Grrrr! The night nurse was nice, and gave me a Tylenol. Over all, most of the 4 days was sitting around, chatting with other people there, and smoking my brains out. LOL

Anyway, sorry, this is long. Uh, maybe I should post more later. Blah. Anyway, I'm off now. Hi everyone and ttyl.

Welcome to BPDR!

One thing's for sure -- if you work at recovery, you won't need to worry so much about whether the ER will believe you, because you won't need the ER as much!

Check out the Tools box on the left of this page; it's the foundation on which this site is built. Meanwhile, I hope to see you participating in the discussion here.

jim

The good thing is, a lot of the ideas from DBT are accessible even without taking classes. I've learned a lot from DBT without ever taking DBT. I've also learned from other CBT techniques, on my own without a therapist.



I have a theory. We've got logical thinking, emotional thinking, and social thinking. We with BPD are often acting out of a place of emotional thinking. But others observing us thinking we are using social thinking, and so conclude we are being manipulative. But while we are, like a manipulative person, trying to get what we want, it comes from a different part of the person than manipulation does. Manipulation uses social thinking (and sometimes logic too) to figure out what the best way to get what we want is. We are acting from a raw emotional place, but others don't see that and misunderstand.

Welcome to BPDR.