emotional rollercoaster

newt1421 · **Joined:** Fri May 23, 2008 8:06 am **Posts:** 20

Hello -
I am a BPD who was raised (emotionally tortured) by a BPD mom and I am dedicating myself to breaking this cycle within my life & the lives of my two children. I am happy to say that the past years of therapy for PTSD & ADD w/ the recently added diagnosis of BPD has helped me tremendously to overcome my frantic frustrations with trying to understand why I have these 'black & white' issues & also the need to eliminate emotional attachments from my life in order to feel safe & happy. Understanding that my mom was ill and not truly hating me gives a some relief ... honestly not much since I am still trying to learn to not think/feel as though I am totally unworthy of life/love as she so often told me from my earliest years. I am also glad to report that I have been in control of the 'rage' side for many years now and do not repeat the 'nasties' (as I call them) on my kids... when those urges come I have learned to talk myself down from that scary ledge - because I have such vivid memories of what it was like to be on the receiving end of it from my mom. But only recently as the shame of even having those moments been elivated because of the understanding of the disorder it self.. I understand it's in my makeup and something to be fixed - there is a solution for me as hard as it may be at times to hold to that notion I must for the sake of my loving children who are the world to me.

I am married to a non- who now confesses to not loving me anymore.
I am simply trying to learn how to live, love, & laff.

Thank you - newt

jodyisme · **Posted:** Fri May 23, 2008 9:37 am

hey newt. your nickname reminds me of the movie lonesome dove! i think most here and i know I, can relate to your story. the good news is there is such hope and we can change! and it is a hard road but very doable.

welcome!

newt1421 · **Joined:** Fri May 23, 2008 8:06 am **Posts:** 20

thank you for the welcome... it's been a while since I've been back here. But I'm glad this site is here.

Miyasa · **Posted:** Tue Mar 23, 2010 6:28 am

back, newt

Dustie · **Posted:** Tue Mar 23, 2010 1:45 pm

newt1421 wrote:

One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I really like this quote and I am glad that you are using it in your signature line.

newt1421 · **Joined:** Fri May 23, 2008 8:06 am **Posts:** 20

Thank you Dustie
Ella Wheeler Wilcox also wrote "Solitude"
which is a beautiful poem ... do you know it?

Dustie · **Posted:** Wed Mar 24, 2010 12:17 am

Newt ~ I don't know too many poems since I don't read a lot of poetry. I used to compete (and did very well) in poetic interpretation in high school with a collection of poems by Madeleine L'Engle (author of the A Wrinkle in Time series) but sadly the majority of poems I have read were required reading for English classes. I can recite many Shel Silverstein poems by memory, though, since both my daughters love his collections of poems, LOL.

newt1421 · **Joined:** Fri May 23, 2008 8:06 am **Posts:** 20

We too are Silverstein fans...lol

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