BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello to whoever reads this. It doesn't seem like many people are part of this website, howeverwith any luck someone will be able to talk to me about this and any other problems I have. I can't trust many people, not even some of my best friends, but seeing as how here I am safe I think it would be best for me. I'm not trying to just find someone to what my friends call complaining, to which they dissmiss everything I say, just someone to finally be able to talk to, about anything at all.
Thanks,
jfrod

Hi jfrod,

I moved your topic because the focus of that forum is one to one conversations between specific people. If you'd like anybody to reply, this is a more appropriate forum.

I have trust issues, too. Mine oscillate from being too trusting too soon with some people to questioning my husband's word when he tells me he loves me. Now, I have an idea of some of the reasons why I do what I do. Why do you think you can't trust your best friends?

Hello Trinity,
Thank you for responding. I will get straight to the point. Some of my friends have caused me to no longer believe in their trust because I have told them things that they go on to either spread or tell those who I asked them not to, and they consistently do not listen to what I have to say; however these are the least of my problems and they do not happen often. It's not that I don't trust them at all, just I can't fully trust them. Anyway, I have this constant feeling whenever I'm left to think of things in my room or really anywhere, I start remembering all these things that were, in my mind, and probably were, bad or strange. These create massive amounts of emotion in me and I have constant thoughts that I should essentially dissapear to a place where no one will know me, so therefore I cannot bother others. There's so many things fore to list it would be impossible to write them down. This whole thing is confusing me and I don't know who to talk to, other than my mom. I joined this because I want others with the disorder to talk to to help me not be so effected by it. These feelings I have only happen rarely and for short periods, but I do things that normal people don't, and now seeing that I may have this makes me feel even more alienated. This is essentially me speaking my mind, for I have nowhere to do it.
Thanks,
jfrod

Have you read the The Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking? How about the Five Steps? I think those are two very important articles that can help you get a handle of these out of control feeling. The techniques lead you to analyze whatever situation you are in in a much more objective way. It's not easy! Don't get me wrong. But getting those to techniques in practice had be tremendously helpful. Have you read those pages? What do you think?

I just did so, and I'll definately try those tips, I'll try anything. And the 10 forms of thinking describes me very well in not all but many aspects. This helps a lot because I always thought that I was essentially a freak because of the way I can get sometimes, but now I see that Im not, although I don't truly believe it yet.
Thanks,
Jfrod

Nope, not a freak! There are a lot folks going through similar situations. It's just a matter of re-learning how to understand and react to situations that ordinarily trigger us.

Thanks for the support here, it means a lot. I'll just have to keep at it with those strategies and I'll be able to control this much better.
Thanks,
jfrod

I believe this is called catastrophizing. In the Ten Forms, it's referred to as Overgeneralization. It's a form of self-fulfilling prophecy and it's VERY common in BPD. We're petrefied of abandonment and we get an inkling that maybe we might have a hint of something that might possibly be remotely related to unloveable, it snowballs into this gigantic mess inside our heads and we lose all perspective and have no understanding whatsoever that anyone else around us could ever possibly see us in any other light under any other circumstance and so we act out accordingly, like that completely unloveable mess, pushing people further and further away until - as predicted - we do end up alone and miserable and we can bittersweetly, yet triumphantly, say "I told you so."

Ash
My goodness! Your explanation / description so so fits me! I've been pushing away the VERY PEOPLE who care for me and have done so much for me. And now, a very close friend is keeping a distance from me, it hurts a lot.
What should I do?

Patient: Doc, it hurts when I do THIS. What do you suggest?

Doc: Stop doing THIS.

Truly, it's that easy - in theory. But in practice, it's a much larger issue than simply flipping a switch because we've intellectually recognized a truth in our character. We need to retrain our thought processes. We need to examine why we're so afraid to trust; we need to practice exploring our options and making rational decisions until it becomes comfortable and familiar - until we learn that we hold more control over our "abandonment/rejection fate" than we previously believed and act accordingly.