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Has anyone ever experienced these ever changing contradicting emotions/thoughts???

I am currently in a relationship with a man that I think is the most amazing man ever. We have had our problems, yes, and he isn't perfect and has messed up but overall, he has been a complete God send.

However, I am forever switching back and forth between these extremes. One day I am so overwhelmingly in love with him and it feels so great and I just can't get enough. Then the next thing I know, I'm feeling some sort of way and I just feel like I hate him and just want him to get out of my life. I want him to stay then I want him to go. It drives me insane and it is driving him insane. Sometimes I am so excited about our life together, and other times I feel like it's nothing but bad for me and my kids and I just want him to get out. (Mind you, my kids love him. My daughter really likes his being around.)

I am in the midst of one of the bad moments with my boyfriend right now and it's bothering me. I should be so upset right now that I am making him feel like I don't love him and don't want him around...but I'm not and that bothers me. I know that I do love him, but why can't I feel it sometimes? These are kind of rhetorical questions.

I am trying to sort through everything in my head right now. I often come up with things in my head that I think may be going on behind my back or how I just have so little faith in men that eventually we just won't work out or he will cheat on me or hurt me or leave me. These thoughts become my reality and I can't even begin to explain how intense and real those feelings from those thoughts are to me and it all happens so fast. I think that I need to figure out which thoughts and feelings are actually based off of the true reality and which are not. Doing that and ridding of the false reality in my head is so hard. Does anyone else understand or relate to this? I need advice, PLEASE.

Also, thank you to everyone who replied to my last post. All of it was extremely helpful.

That's pretty much the essence of Borderline Personality Disorder!



It's generally referred to as "splitting" -- the person is either all good or all bad, they can never be both at the same time; they are either all white or all black, there can never be any gray. The whole goal of recovery work is to see the gray, to accept that there can be things you like AND things you don't like in the same person.

I am exactly the same, but it only appears to be with my dad and my boyfriends at the time! Which is ironic, because it was my mum who left me and rejected me, yet, i never am like that with my girl-friends.

My dad - We have a rock relationship, if he doesn't jump when I ask him to I hate him, if he doesn't answer the phone when i want to, i hate him, when he doesn't come to see me, i hate him. I don't give him any room to make mistakes. I text him, tell him i hate him, that he has ruined my life, that i don't want him, the next day, i love you, please don't leave me.

Boyfriends - I have allowed boyfriends to use me, reject me and ridicule me. The first boyfriend, we finished mutually but there was no going back because he wasn't interested, though having said that we did have a bit of no strings going on. The second boyfriend, well, he was the greatest, true i hated him when he was late or didn't text me, we remain friends though i have laways tried getting back with him, funny, the bpd traits of me didn't really enter that relationship. Third man - one night stand, i continued to text him even fter he told mehe wasn't intereested. The fourth one, well, he got me pregnant and i truly did hate him, but then i loved him on other days. Barmy aye. On the days i loved him, there was nothing wrong with him, he made me laugh (yet everynight when he left me to go home to his girlfriend i use to drink myself to sleep) so, yep very black and white!