BPDRecovery.com: Forums

It needs to stop. It's out of hand. There are a handful of posters that are on a tear and taking up the board's resources. If you think I'm talking about you, then I probably am. Take a step away. Take a deep breath. HALT. Work on untwisting your thinking. Stop talking crap about each other in email and in PMs (I'm assuming here, I know, but I have a feeling). Stop the "coalition" building. Just stop.

Trinity and Calista's posts echo my sentiments and thoughts/beliefs on the matter.

Well, then I think Ash is sick of this drama at BPDR and is showing some to us on purpose, or has truly gotten herself sick from this!! Either answer is depressing to me.

I'm with Wondering on this one.

As SCL's and CL's, can you call someone on the drama that they are creating? In a PM? In a CC? How can another learn not to create drama if they aren't ever called on it and their behavior is pointed out to them?

What drama are we talking about? I'm confused.

FWIW, I haven't ever liked that - the above. I feel it is some sort of passive-aggressive manipulative statement. A blanket statment that is veiled, causes unneeded shame and embarrassment.

If it is ME then tell me so. Otherwise, I just assume and cause myself all sorts of grief.

I don't think Ash opening her raw feelings up for perhaps the first time and being in obvious distress is the kind of 'drama' the Trinity is talking about.

I do not believe that Trinity posted this thread in reaction to or even with awareness of Ash's semi-contemporaneous thread.

I also don't believe that Ash is attempting to do a 'test' or play a game or manipulate or any of those things.

I think she is hurting and very much.

I can see where this would strike fear and therefore anger (as an outcropping of the fear) in members of the board, but that is because of our backgrounds, (childhood and otherwise), and our own issues, and is not, do I believe, in any way being done deliberately by Ash.

I honestly have no 'inside information,' but my assessment is that our Ash is hurting and is lashing in at herself far more than she may appear to be lashing out.

This is where the compassion and empathy comes in, (and believe me, I know that those that have posted have that = that is not at all what I'm saying!!).

Believe me, I'm having a panoply of feelings and emotions myself, but those reactions are about me, even though the immediate impetus for them may be stemming for my concern about Ash.

In other words, we are entitled to our own feelings and emotions = 'reactions' if you will = but we also have the power to work with the tools and formulate our ultimate 'responses' and how we frame them, etc. right in this moment and in these circumstances and I think we owe it to Ash and to each other to do just that.

I hope this makes sense.

My point is, I hope, that you recognize drama. And that you recognize whether what you're involved is drama or not. It's not meant as passive aggressive nor manipulative. If the statement doesn't apply to you, then practice not taking things personally and let it slide. If there is indeed someone feeling shame, that person needs to examine why that is.

And Jill is correct in her post above mine.

About a year or year & 1/2 ago when I was all heated up and posting everywhere about some perceived injustice I thought the admin of this board was perpetrating (:blush) I received a PM from Ash after she tried talking some sense into me in a CC.

One phrase she used resonates to this very day with me, although at first I didn't understand it and was honestly offended at it: "You are the drama you seek."

Well, shite, I wasn't the one seeking the drama - everyone else was creating it and I was stuck in the middle, a poor ole cow caught up in a furious tornado!

Ash said a wise friend had told her that phrase and her reaction was the same as mine - indignation . . . until she finally grasped the meaning of it.

It would take me longer to understand what Ash meant than it took her, and I would be involved in even more drama before enlightenment, too. But it finally hit me and I've kept the phrase in mind ever since, as a personal guide to check my behavior (and motives).

I'm not sure I can articulate it altogether precisely, but to me the phrase essentially means: either unwittingly or consciously, where there is drama and you are there, you are as much a part of it - and therefore just as much responsible for it - as those who "started" it.

capeche? make sense?

We are the drama we seek. Let it go. Move on. Put your energy into something positive and productive.

Drama is no longer "fun" for me and I seek to avoid it now: when this bovine Bessie sees storm clouds a' brewin', she heads into the cellar, that's for sure. :biggrin

1- Making assumptions of this sort DOES cause drama.

2- Who is doing this? I'm not.

3- Who is a part of this 'coalition' that you have a feeling about?

4- A suggestion, can you PM who you feel are doing this and ask them? If they are doing it, can you ask them to please stop?

Or, perhaps, if others are doing this the best thing to do would be to not take it personally.

"What others say about me is none of my business."

GH, if you're asking if you're in the handful, you're not. Names will not be named. Unless a person asks me specifically if they're part of the problem, they will be able to continue doing things as they've always done if they wish - under secret cover, in back alleys, etc.

Unfortunately, it IS our business when it's this disruptive to the board. The sheer level of bullshit going on behind the scenes is sucking vast amounts of time and effort and energy out of the S/CL Team.

Using a school analogy, the kids are running around like wild things, darting into traffic, taking candy from strangers, beating up on each other, tearing the equipment apart on the playground because all the adults are inside in conferences trying to mediate shit between a small handful of troublemakers and discipline recalcitrant hooligans who are throwing temper tantrums, refusing to take any form of responsibility for their actions. The absolute pisser is that these same troublemakers are the very same people screaming for heads on a platter because the kids are tearing the place apart & getting away with just about everything!

They've created a situation in which no one can win and it's just time to reset the ground rules, start from Square One and get back to basics.

OK, I am unaware of the behind the scenes bullshit. And I am a bit naive how it is manifesting itself on the Board or at least I WAS until this weekend.

It is a problem if too many are PM'ing CL's and SCL's because that does take up time and resources. That is not being respectful of your time and what it takes to do your jobs, not to mention your busy R Lives.

I am feeling relieved that you know that I am not in, with or even around any such 'coalition'. That isn't my style. I don't care for the back stabbing and gossiping. Too much drama in that.