BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I can't quite describe this odd feeling. I sometimes feel as if I am from another world and no one else is like me. I don't quite fit in wherever I am. I feel okay when I begin a new group or job, etc. But once the familiarity grows, it seems I go into a timewarp. My orig. family life seems to keep repeating itself in most groups I am in and I am usually the scapegoat. I don't know how to break this pattern. Think people see me as weird when I am in this perspective, but have no way to check it out, especially at work. I work in social services and the agency has a clique that seems very exclusive. I often feel ostracized as the "leader" of the clique and I do not connect. She is very abraisive and I am very sensitive. Anyone relate. I feel very lonely at work. Old feelings of weird, defective. Guess I still get caught in defining myself through the way others treat me. What a bondage. Very painful. Very tired of it.

Hi Growing and WELCOME to BPDR!

I'm sorry to read about what you are going through at work, but I can definately relate to it and I actually think a lot of folks can.

If I had known about the Four Agreements and the Five Steps, etc., (See 'Tools' section on top left hand side of this page), I really think things would have gone better for me in jobs past, so I certainly urge you to look them over (and the forums that go with them), because, especially over-time, they really do start to come to a person, even in the heat of the moment or in the throws of the discomfort/despair and help.

With best regards,

Candle

Hi Candle,
Thank you for your encouragement and support. I am looking for new tools.