BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Good morning,

I should introduce myself... I'm a recently diagnosed BPD who's been suffering pretty badly for awhile now... In some ways the diagnosis was a relief, since I felt like I could at least identify why I'd been feeling so horrific.

When it comes down to it, I'm getting help because I love my partner (I'm a lesbian). She and I have been through a lot... A whole lot, and lately my disorder has taken me over to the point where she just can't deal with it anymore. I'm watching myself destroy the most lovely, wonderful person I've ever met. Her self esteem is rotting away and her zest for life is all but gone. I can't do this anymore. It was always one thing to hurt myself, but I can't keep sucking the life out of her.

Unfortunately, I absolutely cannot afford to go to therapy. I tried and am now $200 indebted to my therapist. Furthermore, the only LGBT therapist in this area might not be the best for me... I thought she was doing wonders, I felt better, until she told me she though I was "fixed." I was sceptical then, but now I'm screaming in my head about it. Fixed? How could I possibly be fixed?

I know my partner won't leave me, but if I don't stop hurting her, I feel like I might have to leave. The last thing I would ever want is to be separated from her... She is truly the love of my life. But I can't keep killing her.


So that's my story. Outside of the BPD I'm a historian and academic with a deep love for painting and birds. Sadly, I'm starting to worry that after long, there won't be much of me outside of BPD and I really don't want that.

Thanks for reading!
-Falconess

Falconess, first - I've been to Staunton a few times and loved it! You have a beautiful town there!!!! I love the mountains!

I don't think you need to go to a GLBT-oriented therapist to be treated for BPD. I mean, if you found one who had knowledge in treating BPD, that would be great. But I think you can find a T who just knows a lot about treating BPD. As long as they're understanding of you, that's what matters.

It's great that you've recognized that you have a problem. Now you need to figure out how to deal with it. You can look at the Tools at the left side of the page here. There are ways to deal with BPD there. There are also books to read. And coming here helps too.

Maybe you can find a T who works on a sliding-fee scale. Some mental health centers and hospitals have these. Why not give that a try? Therapy is one of the best ways to treat BPD. A good therapist can really help you!

I hope you'll keep coming back here!!!!

Hello and welcome on!
I know I was actually kind of happy when my diagnosis was confirmed because it meant there was a REASON I had so many problems. And if they had a name for it, then there was a way to treat it!!
Well...

There IS hope. It certainly DOES help to have a therapist, but there are plenty of people here who are learning just fine on their own. The most important part is to be willing to open your mind and be honest with yourself...Over to the left of your screen, you'll see a box labeled "Tools". Those are ideas and skill sets that we can use to help us recognize thought and behavior patterns that aren't very healthy and turn them around to become more balanced. A therapist CAN help guide you and walk you through your blind spots, but in the end YOU always have to do the work anyways. So why not start here?

Look around, see what you see. In addition to the Tools on the left, the founder of this website has written a book and we also have a discussion thread called the "Resource Room" where we list other things we've all found useful.

Does your area have any public mental health resources? Are you willing to consider a T who doesn't specialize in LGBT? Some of them can be very good (mine is and I'm the B in LGBT!) and might be willing to work on a sliding scale. If you can find some help, you might want to look into medication, too. It's made a WORLD of difference in my ability to cope and control myself.

They can't "fix" us, but we can treat our symptoms, learn and grow. It CAN and it DOES get better.

Thank you both... Your replies and welcomes are extremely heartening. I guess up until just now I've felt very lonely about this entire journey (if you can call it that), but I really don't feel that way anymore. It really helps to hear that other people have managed it successfully.

I've read through the tools and have been trying to use them as much as possible. I'd been doing much better thanks to them, but after a horrific outburst last night, my partner thought it might be time if I found some kind of support.

You're both probably right that I should stop being so narrow-minded in my searching for a therapist. I've seen one therapist who wasn't LGBT friendly and it had a pretty negative effect on me. There are a few mental health clinics around here, but I haven't had much luck finding someone who'll work on a sliding scale. At this point, though, I think it's worth it to just start phoning all of them and asking.

Again, thank you both... Just your kind words mean a lot!

To bordergirl: Staunton is great, thank you! I'm originially from the west coast, but I've fallen in love with the small town. Beautiful scenery, great culture.

Yes, it's important that you find a T who is GLBT-friendly. I suppose you need to be up-front with them. I'm sure there are T's who are. Keep checking around. I'm sure you'll find someone!