BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi to all,

I'm new so I'll just introduce myself. I'm a 22 year old female. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was senenteen but did not really believe it at the time, I have liased with a few mental health proffessionals over those years. Some have said I have BPD, others disagreed. One thing that is for certain is that I feel something is very wrong at times. I'm taking anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication for the last three years and most of the time I feel well.

Other times I feel empty, like there is something missing from my life. I have a big problem with telling the truth. I will often exaggerate things to make myself sound better. Often I will just make up talents, skills, and other details completely. Especially to new people. I never really figured out why I do this, my current therapist tells me that I do not have BPD. She says that this is just a habit that I have formed alongthe way.

I have had big problems with relationships. I have pretty much cheated on every long term boyfriend I have had. I have only a very vague idea of why this is. Sometimes I believe that I must be a bad person, other times I believe that I am a good person and have just done bad things. I have hurt boyfriends, lied cheated used... just done some horrible things and noone can really tell me why I do this...

I do not like myself, I don't like my physical appearance, infact, I make myself sick sometimes just by looking in the mirror. I get male attention and figure that I must not be 'ugly' but I feel it, shallow I know but I'm just being honest here. I have been bullimic in the past and have self harmed, cutting grazing etc.

I had a bad relationship with my father until I was 17, but thats great now as we both went to counselling together. I love him very much now, but still think a lot about the bad times when I'm feeling upset.

I had a wild few years in my teenage years, i drank and took drugs and shop lifted etc. I do not do any of these now. I struggle a lot with myself just to keep contant sometimes. I have a long term boyfriend who I love very much. i have cheated on him and hurt him badly, he knows everything about me. he is the only person who does. We are working on our relationship very hard at the moment. I am going to AA and a therapist and I am reading and thinking about my impulses and destructive behaviour. I am very lucky to still have my partner.

I'm not sure if this is making any sense... but, if anyone has any questions or comments or advice at all I would appreciate it very much.

I would just like to know what all of this is to be honest. I'm not sure if I'm with the right therapist or... If anyone has any reading material either online or suggestions of any books you've found helpful, I am open to almost anything in order to get better.

Thank you in advance

First of all, welcome to the board.

There are lots of reading material out there. A lot of people suggest Stop Walking on Eggshells, but I didn't care for it. The book is more for people who have relationships with borderlines than the borderlines themselves. To be honest, IMO, I felt it kind of vilified borderlines. Like I said though, others have found it helpful. I really enjoyed The Dance of Anger and Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. They aren't BPD related, but I still found them insightful.

I can relate to a lot of things you wrote about: the self harm, bulemia, cheating, etc. Personally, I don't think that the diagnosis of being BPD is relative to anything. As far as medications are concerned, there are no specific medications for BPD. I am on anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, and a mood stabilizer, but someone who is bi-polar could be on the same thing. My whole point is that the diagnosis isn't important. What is important is that we see the self defeating/ self-destructive behavior and work on correcting those.

Hi!

Thank you very much for the quick reply. I will definattly look into those books, as they say, every little thing helps! I have been reading through these forums for the last few hours and it is very encouraging to read how well some people are dealing with this, it is wonderful to know that there are actually other people out there like me, because until recently I never thought there was,

Thank you for your reply

If you're looking for online resources, this website is a great place to start. I also recommend DBT Class or DBT Self-Help (the first is an organised online class, the second is some material that you can browse through at your own pace).

Here are some books I've found really helpful:

• The BPD Survival Guide
• DBT Workbook
• How I Stayed Alove When My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me
• Mind Over Mood

A lot of people also speak highly of The Angry Heart.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you with too many suggestions!

Thank you so much for those links, I'll do some reading on them over the weekend. thanks a million

Same here.

Welcome to the board.

I now lie very little and even not a tall usually, if my old impulsive lying happens I apologize and take the lie back immediately, saying it was a weak moment. people understand.

meditation and acceptance and awareness training helped a great deal, as did physical exercise.