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Makes a lot of sense Jody. I do depend on my H and T too much. And not enough on myself. I expect them to be all-knowing and can fix anything for me. To take care of me. That's what my mother did. Now my H does it and also my T. Many years ago, when I first started dating my H (I was in high school) he made a date with me to the beach. It rained that day so he cancelled our date. I got so mad. I thought "we were going to spend the day together anyway, so if we can't go to the beach we could do something else." I was furious at him. I was already dependent on him. It happened very quickly - I was only 15 or 16 years old! So when he went away to college I was devastated. I see how my high expectations cause me problems. It's almost like putting someone on a pedestal. You'd think under these circumstances my trust level of my T would be very high. I wonder if my intense reaction was caused because I was afraid? Afraid of not being able to deal with things on my own? Why did I not trust him enough? Why did that happen? I thought I trusted him. I really did. There was a disconnect there, I see it now. I didnt' give him enough credit. That's the main issue - that I didn't trust him enough. I didn't even think he would give me a make-up appointment. I just got angry and upset. Why would I not give him the benefit of the doubt?

because it wasnt the adult thinking but the child response ? not the logical but the feeling?

i wish i could see answers for myself as well as i can help others...

it takes a LOT of trust and confidence in ourselves and them to give someone the benefit of the doubt....

was your trust level IN your T high or your expectations OF him high?

Well, I thought I had a lot of trust in my T. And yes, I did/do have very high expectations of him. So I guess I don't have enough trust in him AND very high expectations. I expect him to always be there for me. So when he wasn't I went ballistic. Maybe I need more trust and need to lower my expectations? To think of him more as a human being and not put him on a pedestal? But really, he is always there for me. He hasn't let me down.

expectations are usually the death of us...... when someone doesnt meet our expectations it can hurt a lot.

""""Maybe I need more trust and need to lower my expectations? """ i like that idea.

Basically I'm a big baby and can't see me changing that much. I'm not being contrary - I just have these ways of being so ingrained in me, I can't imagine changing. I can say I want to, but it never seems to happen. It's like I'm hard-wired to be that way. Not much growth there, huh?

i wouldnt say that and besides, thats you and not my business!

but i do know for me, growth can be slow and take a long time for a tiny step.

i saw growth in your response to the situation tho..in the way you handled it.

Thanks Jody. I guess my reaction could have been worse. I could have done damage to myself but I didn't. And at least I do realize how dependent I am and how high my expectations apparently are. I think my first order of business is to work on trusting him more. That's what he wants me to do. So I'll work on that first. Thanks!